I'm Sorry
by Dr. Agent Ninja
Summary: AU! Dedicated to Sam and Robert. R.I.P. Sakura, not knowing how she got herself into this situation, finds it hard to get out of it. Not wanting to drag anyone else with her, she finds out that maybe she does need saving, even if it costs a life or two.
1. I'm Sorry

_A/N: Review or whatever you want to do. This is here because of something that happened to me very recently. You could say that this is based on a true story, the story of my life. I'd also like to say Happy Birthday to Sakura Haruno because today, March 28, 2008, is her birthday! This is not a very happy story, but this is in tribute to her life, which is somewhat like mine, but not really. I hope you read this (and like it!). Oh yeah, and this sort, kinda, doesn't really have ANYTHING to do with Sakura, but you could just imagine it as Sakura saying it or whatever. Use your imagination._

_Warnings: Language; AU_

_Rating: T_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Sakura, but this is based on MY true story._

I'm Sorry

I slipped out a single tear; it lined my face, leaving a trail of moist feelings, tingling with spite, doubt, but most especially, fear. My best friend texted me back. I loved him in secret, but what does he know? He only sees me as a close friend, nothing more. But no matter what, girlfriend or not, he is always there for me, and I love him, still.

But even with all the love in the world, I just couldn't listen to his pleas. It was cries of distress and pain that I could comprehend beyond limit. I told him I had to go. He knew what I was talking about; he knew that morning of that day. My arm was wrapped up, a slight bruise blessing my cheekbone, and my eyes, they were like empty pools of void emotion. I had changed, and he did not like it, but nonetheless, he was there to support me.

He gave me a hug at the end of the school day. I smiled with a bittersweet smirk. I felt eyes pierce my back; his girlfriend. The hour later, I got a text that I better get the hell off of him… or else. Heh. Or else. What does that mean? What is the worse that that _whore_ could do to me? I was facing so much back home that it wouldn't matter anyway. I was used to the pain, both physically and emotionally. However, despite the cries of my heart, I backed off. I never told him of the text. My heart ached, but it made me smile to see him smile. It seemed to me that he forgot what happened the night before; it seemed to me that he forgot about me.

God, I'm getting off track. Let's get back.

I texted him, telling that I had to go meet some people, and he knew, right away. He said no and refused to just let me go. He didn't want me to hurt myself. It was like running into the pits of hell, the situation I was in. It was late at night, 10:30. I told him that I had to leave in ten minutes. He threw all he could at me to make me _not_ go. 'Stay at home, don't hurt yourself, please.'

I took a deep breath in and reassured him that I'd be back in fifteen minutes. I swore that I'd text back at eleven.

I finally told him that I had to leave. He texted me to not. And I sent back a message; and it was the last of that night, and the day after, and the day after, and the day after.

**X:O:X:O:X**

It was like I was floating in darkness, complete hell. There was not a speck of hope, not one light in there to reassure me that it would be okay. My heart beat with burning aggressiveness. It beat so loud that my ears could not hear a word I said. I confronted them, my enemies, who would soon be my abusive friends. Where else was I to go? What else could I have done?

I stepped forward as a saw them approach. I still couldn't comprehend what was happening around me. I spoke, yet I didn't know what I said. My heart was still in a frenzy. Whatever I said pleased them. I saw the edges of their mouths tilt upward. That made me smirk, and my heart relaxed. I was able to calm myself down. But I still had to face the fact that I was alone with these people, in a lonely place, at a lonely time.

I felt myself floating again, and again, there was nothingness; just vast emptiness, lost hope, pure death. I heard glass shatter, but I guess it was only in _my_ infinite world. But complete darkness left me when I felt someone grab my shoulders, pounding me against the rough, brick wall. It hurt my back, for I was simply wearing a thin tank top and dark grey sweater with black, loose sweatpants. My back scraped the cracks and edges of the not-so-smooth wall. I swear I felt scratches pierce through me. I didn't bleed though. Not yet.

I kept my eyes open, not trying to show fear to my predators. I was only a young child, faced with a tough decision. It was painful to hear glass break again, but this time, it was not in my empty world. It was real. But I couldn't smell anything. However, I heard a groan. I took a silent whiff, and metallic fragrance engorged my nostrils. Blood? Well, I looked down at my body, still being held by the leader. It wasn't me that was hit; it was another one, one of their own. He was already a member of their gang, and I looked down at his stomach. Lodged in it was the broken end of a bottle.

I mentally sighed, relieved that it wasn't me. But at the same time, I was worried, for I could be the next victim. He was still alive as two other minions dragged him out of my sight. Once again, I closed my eyes, relaxing myself from the painful sight of pain and blood. Yet, at the same time, I had a desire for it. I felt the need to smell its aroma, gaze at the sight, yearn for its taste. Was I really this… cold-hearted? No one knew it if I was. I was good at hiding things that I needed to.

I heard him whispering things in my ear. Yet again, I couldn't understand. It went along the lines of 'If you don't cooperate, you'll be like him.' He was referring to the guy he just recently stabbed. He kissed my cheek, but I would not allow him a passage to my lips. They were virgin; I had not yet had my first kiss. He continued to line my face with wet butterflies, slowly creeping down to my chin, then my neck, then lower and lower.

I could feel the lust-filled stares of the onlookers burning holes through me, just waiting for their leader to rip that flimsy shirt off of me. I could tell by their hazy eyes and their dry mouths that they were sensually undressing me with their eyes. I hated that. I wanted it to stop. What did I get myself into?

At the lining of my shirt, he stopped. I did not let out a whimper, nor a sigh. I was fearless as death could bring. I didn't know if I was going to die that night. I didn't know if that last text was the last chance I could've told him I loved him. But I didn't, so whatever happened, it was too late to try anyway.

He began to take my sweatshirt off, and I got scared. I started to shake, not only because of the cold, but because this… man was in front of me, bathing in my presence, naughty lust evident in his eyes. He began kissing me again, and still, I refused to let his invade my lips. I closed my eyes, turning my head every which way to make sure that he wouldn't be my first kiss.

He growled in my ear, and I floated in vast time and space of oblivion, yet again. I tried all I could do, even escape to my own little world. I was going crazy with anything but fear. Adrenaline rushed through me as I did something that surprised, even me! _I whispered no_. I denied my enemy, and for that, I must pay.

He ordered two others to hold me against that merciless wall. He balled his hand into a fist, striking me painfully. I crouched as low as my predecessors allowed me. I let out nothing but a bored sigh. I regained my posture, readying for yet another blow. He punched me across my face, causing me to bite the side of my cheek.

I got worried. What if I die tonight? Well, it wouldn't matter. If I did die, no one would grieve over the lost. There _will_ be tears, but they will be of happiness; nothing else. Once again, I closed my eyes and opened them with a new viciousness in my eyes. I wasn't sure whether I looked vulnerable or threatening, but nonetheless, I stared straight into his dark jade eyes. His black hair opted his look. He sneered at me, as glass broke around me again. Small pieces cut my body, but nothing brutal happened. Thankfully, I gathered the strength to escape my arm, punching him square in the face.

My enemy growled as he punched me again in the stomach. This time, I didn't move; I just continued to gaze into his eyes, telepathically sending him death threats and quiet pleas. A small, yet sharp, piece lodged itself into my right thigh. I hissed, wincing at the pain. He laughed as I coughed out blood - my blood. I felt a warm liquid slide down my leg; it was my blood as well.

I floated in pain again, watching his back retreat from me, leaving me by myself, as the rest of his crew left me. My sweatshirt gathered around my ankles. That article of clothing was given to me by them. It was their property. His kisses marked me as their property. I slid down slowly, watching blood pool around me. I didn't cry. What was the point? No use in wasting tears. _I'm sorry_.

I left the alley, and my footsteps, though quiet, thundered through my ears. Before I knew it, I collapsed on my bed.

**X:O:X:O:X**

The next morning, my bed sheets were a complete red mess. I cleaned myself up, wrapping myself with bandages, all in the right places. The details of that night continued to ring vibrantly through the crevasses of my mind. It pierced me, deeply.

For that night, I died. I died, inside, I died. It wasn't my body that left me, but my soul. It's rather hard to comprehend, but I became the human without a soul. I was just a moving body. No one loved me, and I no longer loved anyone.

I let out a sigh that I've been holding in for who knows how long. I looked at my neck – marks. I looked at my arms – cuts and bruises. My face – I could just cover that with make-up. My thigh was the hardest, but I managed to cover it.

It didn't hurt me that I died that night, but what hurt me was how people say that I had such a great life. They don't know how lucky they are to not have the problems I have – an abusive family, lack of food, no one to love me. I had best friends, but they would choose whoever over me any day. I was just a body to them as well. They only stood by me because I was smart. They only stood by me because I was a girl that wasn't annoying. They don't think I'm a friend, but I think they are _my_ friends. I don't care if they hate me. At least I had a purpose in living, and that is to be hated.

I went to school at 7:50 that morning, ten minutes later than usually. However, I was not late. After unpacking my things, I ran into the bathroom, tightening the bandages that were clumsily wrapped around my thigh. I ran through my friends, ignoring them completely. I heard them say 'good morning.' I let out a smile, but it was empty; yet a spark of hope flickered within me. I didn't respond to them as I ran back up the stairs.

That entire day, I faked my life. I faked my happiness, regarded my pain, and bit my lip when I felt it. No one noticed the grievance and weight that bore itself on my shoulders. It was bearable, for now.

Near the day's end, my other friend asked me why I wore this grey sweatshirt and where my other awesome sweatshirts were. I told her that I was forced to wear this grey thing. I told her that this sweatshirt was my life. She didn't understand, and I was glad.

I let out another smile, and this time it was real. I can only smile with true jubilation while seeing my best of friends happy. It made me feel like I was a part of this world. Yet, that didn't last for long. They were happy, therefore I was happy.

They will never see past the plastic smile glued on my lips.

Despite them being my best friends, they still have no clue what was going on behind the façade of my face.

I don't regret dying that night. I don't regret spilling blood on my behalf. But what I do regret is letting my soul leave to abruptly. I wanted to follow wherever it went. I wanted to leave the pain I called and still do call, life.

**X:O:X:O:X**

I recently realized that I never did text him back. But the last text that I did send him, was a simply pithy that meant a lot, but probably couldn't resurface to himself.

_I'm Sorry._ That was the message.

_I'm Sorry_. But he couldn't get that straight.

_I'm Sorry_. I distanced myself from him that day.

_I'm Sorry_. He continued to love his girlfriend.

_I'm Sorry._ No one asked me what was wrong.

_I'm Sorry._ Love was never meant for me.

_I'm Sorry. _That was the message that ended it all.

_I'm Sorry_. The last one for the day, the week, the month… forever.

An emotionless tear resurfaced on my face that day. It all ended there.

I've died.

And I'm sorry.

-x-

_A/N: This might turn into some sort of 'real life chronicles' sort of things because I feel like I have to use this as a memorial to my best friends, Robert and Sam, who died because of me. They died because of these events that I've written down for you to read._

_This is dedicated to Sam and Robert. I love you guys, and wherever you are, I pray that your story be heard._


	2. An Angel and Two Soldiers

A/N: Dedicated to Sam and Robert – Don't care if you review or not, but it would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long wait – funeral and all that…

Warnings: Language; AU

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Doesn't have much to do with Naruto. Use your imagination. Eh? Pretend Sam is Naruto and Robert is Sasuke… their personalities fit the profile anyways. Oh, and there's a Shino in this, who's Greg btw, but I figured to use a name from Naruto, since I'm replacing Sam and Robert in it, too.

-x-

I'm Sorry (prt. 2)

A desperate week had passed since our first encounter, and my friends in school had, unfortunately, caught on, but none were a good enough friend to get involved in my problems, and afterwards, I realized that that was probably the best decision they had ever made in their lives.

During the last seven days, I had repeatedly snuck out of my house to meet up with these people that I had come to hate so much. However, I knew that I was already knee deep in trouble so there was no direction left to go in but down and deeper into the whole mess.

X:O:X:O:X

It was a Saturday that my friends, Naruto and Sasuke, decided to come over my house at night, and on their way over to my block, they had bumped into me. 'Hot damn, how could I have been so careless?!'

Naruto came over to hug me and Sasuke, being the stoical man he is, just nodded in my direction. I broke down, and gave him a hug, knowing that he wasn't one for getting them anyway. I noticed him blush, even though it was rather dark outside… outside.

That was when they realized it. "Why are you out here, anyway?" I looked at them and said that I was going to meet with some friends. I felt guilty, but it wasn't as if I was lying completely. I truly was going to meet with people – I just wasn't sure if you would classify them as 'friends.' Sasuke had informed me that Naruto dragged him out of his house to sneak into my house and sleep over for the night (something that we often did, as friends).

I giggled and told them that maybe tomorrow would have been a better time; after all, Sunday was sort of a 'break' day for my gang. Wait, gang? What? Me? Part of a gang? Hmm…

They agreed with meeting with me tomorrow, and I continued to walk in the direction I intended on going towards. They followed me – something I regret allowing them to do. I turned around asking them, politely, if they would turn around as well and walk in the opposite direction.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at me as if I had grown two heads. Was my request really that alien to them? I looked down at my feet and told them I had private business to attend to. They were confused, so they 'insisted' to come along with me. I wasn't really in the mood to argue so I let them tag along, but told them to keep their distance.

At this point, I was pretty sure they were out of their freaking minds, probably obsessing over the fact that I was keeping such a big secret out of their lives. They were my best friends – people who snuck food to me when my parents did not allow me to eat, people who iced me and bandaged my bruises when I got beaten, and my boys – who gave me their shoulder when I wept horribly.

I finally reached our point for the day – it was deep in a nearby woods-place. It wasn't a forest, but the area was lush with trees, specifically oak and maple. It was next to a highway of sorts and was rather deep. At the tree, I saw my leader talk to some of the other guys. I was, frightfully, the only girl in the group. I hadn't had the heart to just walk casually into the conversation, so I decided to fall back and listen in, if not for a second or two.

I signaled to my boys to go to a smaller maple tree, which was about ten yards away – hidden, but still within earshot. They listened into the conversation as well. I looked at Z (the codename that I had to call him by) and began to eavesdrop.

Goddamn, the new girl in our group is something else.

-You said it, Z. (He shudders) I just wanna tap that thing.

You'll get your time K. Remember, we still need her.

-Fuck yea, we do! It ain't every day we meet a girl who can fight and is just so shit damn innocent!

Heh, with a body to match.

-Oh so right, my friend. So we going to do it tonight?

(Z shrugs) I don't know. It's really all up to her. If she ain't up to it, we'll fight with another gang and leave her to get beaten up real good. Eh, it'll be our money anyway. She'll fight as if her life's at stake.

-But Z, I thought her life really is at stake.

Damn right it is.

I glanced at Naruto and Sasuke, who had pity in the depths of her eyes. I could tell that they felt the pain that I was going through, but at the moment, it wasn't really pain, but downright embarrassment. I was just their toy – to play around with and make me do whatever they wanted at their disposal. Besides, I knew that if I backed away too much, I'd be dead within a heartbeat.

My eyes wandered around the clearing. So far, only four of six boys were there. I was their seventh member. I looked at my friends pleadingly, as if mentally telling them to stay away.

It seemed as if my brain no longer controlled my body as I found myself walking towards the clearing and sitting next to Z. I would've normally shuddered at the feeling of being so close to such a man, but like I said, when I'm in the zone, I was fearless. It wasn't as if anything made sense anymore, anyway.

We waited for the others to find their way, and as some of the guysShino went along with their business – some sharpening blade and others, simply, talking – I sat quietly, not sure what to do, knowing that Naruto and Sasuke were so close.

Zooming into my thoughts, I almost didn't feel Z's hand rub my back warmly. I looked up at him. He was sitting on a log with a tight black muscle shirt. Z had grey sweatpants and sneakers. He smirked in my direction while continually rubbing his hand against my back.

I saw K glancing at Z, sending mental messages. To them, I had no name – nor, no value. I went by the name of D. Heh, D. D meaning death? Whatever it meant, it was just a letter, and I was just being labeled.

Two more guys came, and we were waiting for the other one. I loomed over this fact and felt awful. I knew that since he was the last to make it through, he'd probably get the crap beat out of him and shoved off, out into the highway and left to survive on his own. Our way of life was sick and cruel, and it disgusted me to no point on edge, and yet, I'm still here. Why? Because I was afraid of leaving. I had the worst feeling that if I had left, these people would come and hunt down everyone I cared for, and beat them up. Then turn them against me, and make my 'friends' kill me off.

What a wonderful life I live!

I looked down at myself. I had a dark blue shirt on; it was at least three sizes too big for me. I had grey mesh shorts, reaching to my lower knee, and navy blue sneakers with grey ankle socks. I shook my head and giggled to myself. I somehow found the need to match, even though what I was doing called for no such thing.

I stood up to stretch and get ready. I knew that we were called here to fight and get some money. Five hundred dollars were at stake here, which would be equally divided between our members (well, those who survived anyway).

Bending down to limber my calves, I heard a rustling in the distance. I hoped to God that it wasn't my friends. I knew they were idiots (my idiots, may I add) but I didn't think that now was the time for fooling around. I turned my head slightly, only to see K ogling at my butt, which sadly, was bent over in his direction. I stood up, raised my arms and sat down again to stretch some more. I saw K disappointed, but honestly, I could give a fuck about how he felt.

My ears picked up the sound of a groan. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see a fellow mate get beaten up. He was one of the guys that respected me for who I was, unlike K or Z and several others. A moan came out and I heard a knife being sharpened on the far end of the area. I couldn't stand this. My heart was beating hard, but I controlled it, in fear that someone could've heard my fright.

I escaped again to my world, learning to block and be ignorant of everything going on around me. I softly sang words that Naruto and Sasuke always sung to me when they laid down in my bed next to me, caressing me, making me feel loved…

An angel, I see, before my very eyes.

Tears, they fall, to my dreaded surprise.

Kiss away, so gently, the pain in her heart.

Let her find people who'll never pull apart.

So kind and so lowly, humble and meek.

Give her a friend in which she could seek.

An angel, I see, so beautifully new.

Whisper in her ear that 'I love you.'

I opened my eyes, another dry tear escaping me, and I had hoped that no one had heard me. But one person did, and that was the guy who was being beaten up. I saw him quietly smile, despite the foregoing blows he had been receiving. And somehow, I found the courage to go up towards the group and pull the guy away from their clutches.

Telling them that I wanted to take care of him myself, I took out a blade, which was secured on my thigh, and used my hand to hold his two wrists behind his back; my knife was at his neck. I whispered to him, telling him to play along. He groaned when I pushed him down into the bushel of trees. When we got to the edge of the forest, facing the highway, I looked at him with sad eyes and told him that he could leave.

Until then, I had known him as G, but after he looked at me with pitying eyes, he held out his hand and said that his name was Shino. I smiled tiredly and shook his hand back. I told him my name, as I felt that it was the right thing to do.

It had been an awkward second or two until I heard his voice break the silence. He mentioned something about my song, but I was so lost in my thoughts that I had him ask again.

After contemplating on what to say, I told him that it was a sort of song that my best friends always sang to me whenever I felt beaten down and lonely. They had often sneaked in my room to comfort me with this song. Shino smiled and I looked down at the knife that was still in my hand. His voice said that it would be my bloodshed if I hadn't come back with at least a little evidence of a brutal fight.

I nodded in approval and sighed. He winced when the blade gleamed with the light from a street post. I just couldn't find it in my heart to strike him, so I cut myself. I lifted up my shirt a little and with a very small pierce, blood oozed out. I let it bleed a little before I opened up my newfound wound a little more. I bit my lip in pain, but knew that it was my death if they found out that I had let Shino out with not so much as a warning.

Using the blood from my flesh wound, I covered my blade with it and wiped the metal against my sweatpants, near my weapon pouch. I made sure that the stain was dark enough for noticing. I took some more of my blood and put a little bit on the blade, hoping that it would stay until I got back. I put it into my black pouch and took out a small band aid. After putting a little more on my cheek and left arm, I put the band aid on and looked towards Shino for his approval. He nodded, but took a knife of his own and leered closer to me. I began to furrow my eyebrows, completely confused in what he was doing. He ripped the right edge of my shirt, from the bottom to about three inches higher. He pulled back, putting the knife in his pocket.

Shino pulled me into a hug, which I shyly returned. He asked if we could still be friends after all this was over, and I looked at him and sincerely said that we will be, after all this is over. (It never ended, and I haven't spoken to Shino since.)

He turned around, and so did I. Leaves crinkled under his feet as he walked away, but it stopped. I turned my head towards my right shoulder and heard him say something that still clenches in my heart today. Never back down. He left me, and I left my band aid there. I figured – feel pain to avenge the pain of others. Oh, how wrong was I.

X:O:X:O:X

I got back to the clearing and used the back of my hand to wipe the blood on my cheek. I saw K and Z smirk, and they told me that I had two choices for tonight. Fight or fuck…

Out of sheer willpower, I told them I would fight, yet again. They have given me this choice for so long now, about six days, but to me, that seemed like eternity – every night was wasted on my bond with them.

A look of grimace passed through them but overcame it since money would come out of my decision anyway. I was informed that we had five minutes to get ready until we had to go to a deserted area, farther north from where we were. (That meant more walking, and I was not in the mood.)

I told them aloud that I had to go take a piss, and Z let me out. I found Naruto and Sasuke and told them that they had to go. Being the stubborn assholes they are, (I still love them, nonetheless) they refused to leave.

Harshly, I said that I'd explain it all later and they nodded. I added that they could stay and follow, but warned them to never go near the fight and never get involved. Naruto asked me why I did. I turned around and left them, mouths agape. I hoped that they listened to me.

Sauntering my way back to the clearing, I saw the five other boys just sitting there. Some seemed anxious to fight, while others seemed caught up in themselves, as if having an argument inside their heads. It was only six of us left, and we started our adventure towards another group.

With the sounds of crushing leaves, I moved swiftly, with light steps. I knew that Naruto and Sasuke were following because the sounds of their feet stopped a second after the guys had, so I continually covered for them by making excess noise.

I vowed silently to myself that I would protect them, no matter what.

Going near another clearing, this time, a sort of asphalt parking lot, I saw that we were outnumbered. We had six, while the other group had twelve – all guys; big, strong, manly guys.

I groaned inwardly. This is going to be hell. I proceeded to take my shirt off, leaving me in a black sports bra, and tightened the holster that held my weapons pouch up. I saw Z, and the other gang's leader step forward. They called the shots.

No guns. Five hundred dollars total. Death… allowed.

I gasped for I had never been in a fight with that third equation put in. Swallowing my fear, the gang and I got ready to face my ultimate challenge. Taking out my knife, I whispered the words to my own song that I always sang to Naruto and Sasuke when they were down.

Sad and soft and severed and sweet.

Love is lost in the pains of heat.

I smile for my soldiers, so strong and bold.

Fighting to live so that we may grow old.

Sad and soft and severed and sweet.

Love is found in the pains of heat.

Looking up, letting those last tears fall, I shook my head, getting my mind ready for blank composure for the knife was thrown, and the battle begun.

-x-

Those songs really were our songs. I feel really shitty now. Have fun…


End file.
